Fast Car

This morning I was listening to music, as I often do, and Tracey Chapman came on. Now, if you grew up in the 90's like I did then you know the song that I am talking about and the one for which this post if titled under.

In my teen years this song held all of my hopes and dreams of escaping the current life I was in. All I wanted was to meet a boy who loved me and we could run away together and build a dream life together. Which to me at the time was exactly a house in the suburbs.

As, you can imagine that isn't EXACTLY what actually happened. Although I did end up leaving home at 16 in my not so fast car, it was an '86 GMC named Jimmy, and moved into my own place alone with no boy involved.

So much has happened between that day when I left home, I ended up married with a house in the suburbs, then moved to a 35 acre farm in the country and then... divorced.

It's been nearly 5 years now since that divorce and my perspective on life has changed completely on everything. That is what the song reminded me of this morning. Not that life has changed, I have changed.

I am so far from the girl I was that left home at 16 years old, full of grief, sadness and what I thought was armor but was really a huge gapping whole that I consistently gave myself away to others in the hopes that I would find and receive love. The kind I never got, yet my soul knew I deserved.

Funny how when we finally decide to choose ourselves, our own healing, our own love we end up finding everything we ever wanted in someone else. And we end up living life from a place of peace, stability and discernment of who and what gets our love and life force.

Now, I have the fastest car in the Universe...me, and the completion of understanding of the duality of life and the connection to feel the energy as it arrives so that I can truly steer my creations in the right direction.